Daily Mobster

Dinah Mite

August 7th, 2013

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Dinah Mite

(In the style of a commercial jingle)

Pop, pop, bang, bang!
The loudest member of the gang.

When the vault needs opening,
just give her a shout.
When you see her light the string,
everyone get out!

Pop, pop, bang, bang!
The fiery lady in the gang.

A distraction from the cops,
up in flames and smoke.
The cops, they drop, when they hear the pops,
it’s the perfect hiding cloak.

Pop, pop, bang, bang!
The loose cannon in the gang.

But once she fought with the boss,
he told her what to do.
Dinah is no the one to cross,
their relationship is through.

Pop, pop, bang, bang!
Boss will never again harangue.
Pop, pop, bang, bang!
The loudest member of the gang.

Professor “Chops” Bronson

August 2nd, 2013

SketchbookJack Daily Mobster character design gangster illustration black and white ink tweed retro glasses vintage swag shag mutton chops 70s 60s cartoon comic black turtleneck tweed jacket polaroid ink pen concept art webcomic humor writing poetry poem comedy portrait mugshot chops bronson

Professor “Chops” Bronson

(In the style of a mad, groovy, funk beat sung by a shirtless rocker)

In between teaching English lit,
he’s with the mob, can you dig it?

Drivin’ to the high school, list’nin’ to funk,
with Mickey “The Mole”, stuffed in his trunk.

Grading papers, dancin’  the blues,
after pourin’ Mickey new cement shoes.

Who would have known, he’s a ruthless killer,
while he casually reads Arthur Miller.

(Chorus)
Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Baby, oh yeah.
Twain, London and Dickenson
Riding in his sixty nine Grem-lin
Drugs, Extortion and Hemmingway
What can he say, it’s really great pay!
Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Baby, oh yeah.

On the way to the hideout, he’s always swerving
too busy reading Washington Irving.

Drops off a shipment of a kilo of blow
Then right back to Edgar Allen Poe.

This contract work is totally radical,
lots of income while on sabbatical.

(Chorus)
Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Baby, oh yeah.
Twain, London and Dickenson
Riding in his sixty nine Grem-lin
Drugs, Extortion and Hemmingway
What can he say, it’s really great pay!
Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Baby, oh yeah.

Frau Katze

July 15th, 2013

Frau Frauline Katze katzen crazy old german cat lady with a world war 1 wwi helmet spike and a luger gun daily mobster mugshot gangster illustration cartoon comic drawing sketchbookjack

Frau Katze
(In the style of a Hogan’s Hero)

As ze mob takes over ze city,
up pops a defense committee.
in spite of ze smite, zey take up ze fight,
und vow to show zem no pity.

Hauser Street is ze old lady’s club,
Watch out! Get down! Hind ze shrub!
She’s a pouncing cougar, ready with her Luger,
find another way home from ze pub.

Ze members of ze group all have cats,
wartime weapons, outfits und hats.
Dressed to ze nines, on ze front lines,
defending zeir houses und flats.

Ze Katze Club moves in on ze land,
it’s going according to plan.
When no one is home, zey sack it like Rome,
Six blocks are back in command.

When mobsters just can’t be coerced,
zey know how to make zem disperse.
Zey get zem all sick, brats laced with arsenic,
death by sausage, oh, it’s ze wurst.

Zey won’t rest till ze town is at ease,
and ze city is ridded of sleaze.
Till zen zey strap on ze heat, and hit ze street,
a new meaning to crazy cat ladies.

Rhett Stetson

June 8th, 2013

rhett stetson cowboy mobster gangster bandit cigar cartoon comic character design illustration black and white sketchbookjack mustache sheriff

Rhett Stetson

(In the style of a folk ballad story)

Once you leave town and head to the west
You best know you’re puttin’, life to the test.
Crossing over, the highway nine
deep in the country, past the pines.
Watch out boys, when you hear that gun,
fore you just met, Rhett Stetson.

Ain’t no laws, ain’t no rules,
do as he says, son, don’t be a fool.
Give him yer cash, give her liquor,
or you’ll be gone, quicker than a flicker.
Once he’s done here, get on the run,
fore you just met, Rhett Stetson.

Pay up the toll for crossing his road,
hell, just for bein’ in his postal code.
open the trunk, better let him inspect,
is there anything he’d like to collect?
Alright, oh-kay, we’re almost done,
fore you just met, Rhett Stetson.

You can cry, whelp, even harangue
but at the end of the day, he took every-thang.
Now, don’t you think to try and tattle,
he’s got all them cops, rounded up like cattle.
Alright git goin’, ride to the sun,
fore you just met, Rhett Stetson

The Operator

May 15th, 2013

the_operator_lady_daily_mobster_gangster_1920s_1930s_retro_telephone_character_design_illustrationThe Operator

(In the eye-rolling style of one-liners)

Just remember, she knows everyone’s business
Even if there is a busy-ness signal.

She once butted in on Judge Atticus‘ secret Birthday.
She used the party line.

The Operator has known the Judge’s schemes for a long time.
He’s a real phone-y.

The Mayor called from bed, under his sheets, to connect to his lawyer!
She thought it was a real cover up.

She’s been hearing the butcher, Little Bobby‘s voice for so long,
It was good to finally meat him.

Sometimes they struggle to repair the lines that Sue Spence damages,
it really gets down to the wire.

She even knew what kind of pants “Legs” LaVine wore,
Bell-bottoms, oh, but of course.

She hates calls from the barbers, Barry, Benny and Timmy,
They always cut her short.

Don’t get a snappy tone with her like “Snappy” Walker,
or you just might get a dial tone.

Guest Artist: Monster Mobster

May 14th, 2013

Hey look, we have another guest artist! It has been ages since we last had Carlos R Gomez do Fish-Eyed Willie but now we are pleased to welcome Joshua Rhodes to the guest list!  He is a carpenter, furniture maker, painter, geometric genius and all around creative mind.

monster mobster furry muppet joshua rhodes sketchbookjack subtletakeover character design illustration

Monster Mobster

Working, smirking, always lurking

The Monster hides not far from sight.

Sneaking, creaking, sometimes peeking,

gives children and men, quite a fright.

He comes at night with a naughty plan,

the elusive, furry monster man,

 of robbing children of their dreams.

 thieving thoughts and scamming schemes.

Prying, spying, children crying,

he comes when all are asleep.

Suited, looted, the undisputed

fuzzy, dapper, nighttime thief.

He blends right in with teddy bears,

even with the three piece suit he wears.

Never seen and never caught,

in and out just like a thought.

Present, silent, but never violent,

he hides under the bed.

Calling, bawling, children stalling,

parents check the closet instead.

Writing by The Daily Mobster

Illustration and background wallpaper by Joshua Rhodes

Are you interested in submitting as a Guest Artist

or perhaps just some fan art? Please do so here!

Robot Scott

April 23rd, 2013

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Robot Scott

The mob has gotten rather bright,
enlisting androids to fight their fight.
Made in secret warehouses, all homegrown,
the most dapper, dashing, deviant drone.

Robot Scott comes fully equipped,
nothing skimped and nothing skipped.
A suit and hat make a clever disguise,
hiding in plain sight, like one of the guys.

Should someone notice his metal face,
he’s the fastest runner, just in case.
Sonar, radar, gadgets galore,
the perfect machine to fight the war.

Robot Scott leaves no hints,
no hair, no blood, no fingerprints.
Running, hiding, fighting police,
brings a new meaning to elbow grease.

It seems that the losers are The Brass,
that is until he runs out of gas.
It’s times like that he’s a piece of junk,
they should have chosen steam, punk.

Check out Illustration Friday’s: The Future

Pierre “Pie” Pierce

March 14th, 2013

Happy Pi Day

Pierre Pierce Pie Baker Character Illustration Design Mobster Gangster

Pierre “Pie” Pierce

Sing a song of sixpence,
a pocket full of rye.
three point one four inch saw,
baked in a pie.

When the pie was opened,
Inmates began to shout;
hacking at the jail bars,
sawing, breaking out.

The warden, in his office,
sleeping all the day;
till alarms went ringing,
they ran to get away.

Sing a song of six men,
running for their lives,
with the help from a baker,
who sent them several knives.

The baker is off baking,
a P.I. showed at his door,
asking lots of questions,
on and on, forever more.

Packing up the truck,
apple, plum and grape
off to county prison,
to plan the next escape.

Carry pies carefully,
wipes his glasses clear.
Stands up straight and tall,
and puts on his face of cheer.

The baker meets the guard,
with a glimmer in his eye,
I’ll ask you once again, Sir,
What is in the pie?

Illustration Friday: “Eye Glasses”

Edgar “The Egg” Egmond

March 8th, 2013

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Edgar “Egg” Egmond

(In the alliterative key of E)

Every evil event expects exoneration.

Enter: Edgar “Egg” Egmond.

Exactingly, elegantly, erasing evidence,

evaluating, expunging every entry,

Edgar elicits eventual extenuation.

Escaping extraditions, eschewing edicts,

even evading examining experts.

Effectively, efficiently, expertly,

“Egghead Edgar” exempts everyone.

Ex-cons, evildoers, enduring endless

exposition, eventually evade enforcement,

egregiously eluding examination.

Exit: Edgar, effortlessly.

Mickey “The Mole” McMann

March 3rd, 2013

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Mickey “The Mole” McMann

(In the conversational style of Edward G. Robinson)

Micky, Micky, Micky. What ever will we do with you?

You’re fingers are already all busted for snitching on others.

Did you really think we’d never find out you were a mole?

You really thought that you could get away with it for this long?

Answer me Mickey.  Answer me!

Mickey, you keep getting caught and blowing your cover.

Are you really too blind to see your act is starting to slip?

Maybe it’s time to hang up the hat, take a load off, huh Mickey?

Wouldn’t you like to take a rest from all this?

Answer me Mickey. Answer me!

What are you, mute? Can’t talk?

So busy ratting out others, working from the inside,

you have no story of your own anymore?

You’re dead to me Mickey, dead.  You hear me? Dead.

Answer me Mickey! Answer Me!